People who live with their pasts can write memoirs and autobiographies. I only live with the present and the future, the past lingering as a volume of knowledge in the living moment. That’s why I think my equivalent of a memoir is more like a simple present introspection, although the difference is that the introspection is more ‘closed’ from outside characters. When I hear the wash and noise of silence, or when I am sleeping, that is when this inner world is most apparent, and that is what I’m depicting here. Since I am so young, this short and simple diary-style introspection should suffice.
This five-page illustrated diary entry sums up my life, which is on a cycle of obligation and fulfillment. During the obligation segment, a large clump of things I need to do but that I can’t seem to commit to build up, and during the frenzied fulfillment stage, I finish them one by one (or release the ones that have expired). While the obligation stage is full of stress and a looming shadow, it is also a period during which I flit from one thing to another, learning as much as I can. Fulfillment is made possible by the disjoint skills I hone while distracted by other things. It can take months or years for me to understand how something I’ve learned how to do is relevant to fulfilling my promises. But at some point, everything just comes together. I just have to have faith that my instinctive investments will culminate in a grander art in the end.
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