Songs without Words

In the standard console RPG, due to the fact that the standard battle theme is played 10,000 times and the final boss theme is played just once, it’s easy for a composer to come to the conclusion that the standard battle theme deserves more attention and careful composition. But the great video game composer understands the gravity of the final boss theme. Ask any video game music aficionado, and you can probably squeeze out the actual titles of several final boss themes.
As with any extended epic, the RPG storyline at this point has reached the denouement: while there is still conflict, the path to the resolution is very clear and has been since the climax, when the ultimate villain is revealed or the final battle strategy is drawn. Here is the catch: while the story-telling climax comes probably 7/8 of the way through the story (generally speaking – I never understood those symmetric models presented to us in middle school, because I think it’s pretty stupid to have your climax in the middle of the story, just as reaching orgasm halfway through sex is pretty much a letdown), the musical climax has to come at the very last instant. The transition from final battle theme to the ending theme has to be extremely powerful. Here’s how some great composers were able to achieve this in their own unique way:

Nobuo Uematsu’s Final Boss Themes:

Final Fantasy 6: “Dancing Mad” – this multi-part final boss theme begins with an off-balance 12/8 but constantly switches between rapid, romantic-techno fusions and, as Kefka moves towards godhood, increasing bouts of Bach-inspired organ chorales and fugues.

Final Fantasy 7: “One-Winged Angel” – a nearly atonal piece that may be the most famous of them all, employing full orchestra plus chorus. My middle school friend once took away a bit of the drama by transliterating the lyrics of the chant as “Seph, Seph, Sephiroth: he’s a man, he likes cheese, Sephiroth!” (it’s actually in Latin)

Final Fantasy 9: “Dark Messenger” – I really dislike the actual final boss theme, so this is the penultimate boss theme. This jazz-rock arrangement begins with Kuja’s theme, an ascending organ prelude accompanied by ridiculously dramatic “We Will Rock You” drums – a purposefully cheesy combination that makes it point. Then, an electric guitar countertheme is introduced that is later played simultaneously as the organ themes, once again proving Uematsu’s mastery of cross-genre counterpoint. Among rock battle themes, this is my personal favorite.

Hitoshi Sakimoto’s Final Boss Themes:

Final Fantasy 12: “Battle for Freedom” – I think maybe this is the easiest “entryway” into final boss themes, because this dissonant, full-orchestra work clocking in at 8 minutes, 51 seconds has all the makings of a theatrical soundtrack. It’s really hard to believe at times that this is a synthesized piece. Beginning with a solemn introduction with just a touch of non-standard dissonance that places it squarely into the modern musical traditional, it transitions into an unstable string of eerie melodies over pulsating bass in the form of low horns and timpani. There are quotes here and there of earlier themes, as in Dark Messenger.

Noriyuki Iwadare’s Final Boss Themes:

Grandia II: “Fight!! Ver. 4” – One of a series of Iwadare’s peppy rock battle themes.  I think the regular boss theme is better, but they’re all pretty catchy and energizing, with none of the dark, sinister undertones that Final Fantasy battle themes usually have.
Grandia III: “Final Assize” – Iwadare’s GIII final battle theme is one of a handful that dares to be ironic by instead being peaceful and light-hearted. The other main one I can think of that pulls this off successfully is the final boss theme of “Legend of Dragoon.”

Yasunori Mitsuda’s Final Boss Themes

Chrono Cross: “” – There isn’t one. You fight the final boss with only the sound of distorted wind in the background. To defeat this final boss, you have to play out a melody using your spells, which produce a tone based on their element (you learn this sound-based element when you first visit the crystals, which produce the sound – and Lavos has the crystals mounted on his back). So, all you hear is the haunting quality of the individual notes that you play out, and when you successfully execute this sequence, you trigger the ending, regardless of how much physical damage you have dealt (you can also kill it normally, too, if you want, but you have to be considerably stronger). The melody turns out to be one of the ending themes, which is extremely beautiful.

My friend just recommended that I check out studentuniverse.com for flights rather than Expedia or Travelocity, and boy does it make a difference! I’m flying Boston to LaGuardia next week, and I found options on Student Universe for just about any hour of flights in and out I could possibly want. Round-trip was only $165.50, including taxes. I went and searched the exact same flight schedule on Delta.com and was appalled to see that the price was a hefty $405.00, including taxes. My parents fared about the same, coming up with $350.00 as the cheapest option using Yahoo Travel or Travelocity (don’t know which one they used). I think the choice is pretty clear – you get the same confirmation code as usual, plus options for insurance or “flying green.” My only gripe with the Student Universe website is that it sometimes requires me to click a button twice to get it to register – not sure if this is a Firefox thing or a website thing.

Of course, to access these deals, you have to be a current student or faculty member.  But I’m sure that was pretty evident from the start =P.

The whole medical school application process has taken a big toll on me this past year; of all things I’ve ever attempted in this life, this has probably been the most stressful.  But ironically, it wasn’t stressful because it was intrinsically hard – because, to the tell the truth, it isn’t (yes, you have to write essays, and yes, you have to travel, but neither amounts to an unbearable amount of work) – no … the medical school process has been so difficult for me because I’ve felt so alone all this time.

I’m not the kind of person that goes down the ordinary path.  I’m not the trailblazer who insists on always taking the path less taken.  I’m the person who doesn’t see the footprints on the road – the person who is blind and walks down the path I can hear calling to me, regardless of whether it is the highway or a dirt path into the thick of the woods.

All my life, I have promised that which I thought would be most valuable to those investing their time and emotion in me, as friends or beyond: I will deliver that which I promise.  I will take a long time to make a decision, but once I make a decision, I won’t change my mind.  Those are pretty big promises, but when it really counted, I think I accomplished what I said I would.

People see me doing my thing, and they instinctively just freak out.  I somehow defy their rules and regulations, their expected motivations.  I was hoping that after proving myself a few times, that they would perhaps stop doubting me and learn to trust in my instinct.  I do things on a whim, I do things on my own schedule.  But I do them.

So many people began worrying about colleges in middle school – I didn’t give a hoot until 11th grade.  I said to people: I don’t do things for the sake of getting into college; when I apply, I want the colleges to see me and want to take me for who I am.  And a year later, I came to MIT, the school I liked best, and the school that wanted me for who I was.  I am an Asian male; I am to MIT as AB+ blood is to donor pools; I had to prove myself, and I did.

My early compositions were written off as “too slow” and “étude-like.”  And then my MIDIs were – and still are – described as mildly interesting, but overall disorganized and aimless.  Those were painful comments to get, but I just kept writing the music, stashing most of it away in secret due to an inferiority complex to the only composers that people actually respected or cared about – Beethoven, Brahms, and the like.  Many satisfied theory and composition teachers – and an award – later, I don’t think my music could possibly be all that bad.

The MCAT rolled around a few years ago, and of course people wondered why I was coding a chatbot instead of studying.  After reporting my first practice test’s score to a doctor when he asked, he said I needed to improve.  Keep in mind that it was my first practice test, and that always take the first one without studying at all, just to gauge what I intrinsically know.  With the help of said chatbot, I improved by eleven points, and I think I ended up with a respectable score.

So here we are – the present day.  Yet another round of applications.  I believe just one thing – if you try hard enough, you can make anything happen.  You can achieve anything you set out to achieve.

It’s pretty simple, isn’t it?  That’s what they teach you in kindergarten, and certainly truth does not change over time.  It’s still true.

But by golly, no one believes it!  No one believes me when I say it.  No matter how many times I prove myself – over and over and over again – people leap to criticize my unconventional ways.  People question my priorities.  They wonder if I care about my future.

Strangers, friends, and family alike – adding a pressure ten times the amount any medical school ever did – just by doubting me.  They would criticize the degrees I wanted, chastize me about turning in forms “late” (i.e. near the deadline), question my choice of schools.

There was one person who believed in me all along – degrees, timing, school choice, the whole nine yards – who told me to listen to myself and only myself, and just keep doing what I was doing.  And thank goodness, that was my premedical advisor.  I like to think that belief and support was because he saw in me something other people couldn’t – the raw, unabashed idealism, yes – but that second element: the power to make it happen.

I am not a perfect person, and I am not omnipotent – I don’t pretend to be.  I am also not naïve or stupid.

I have goals; I have beliefs; I have a vision and the passion for that vision.

Before forcing me into your conception of how things are supposed to be, what pre-meds are supposed to do, what people should recognize as their “limits” – first consider what grounds you have for doubting me.  Consider how previous parts of my life do or do not fit into your model of the world or the philosophy that you preach.  Only then, only then, tell me that you doubt me.  Only then, break my spirit and hold me back and weigh me down to teach me a lesson.

Because I am a migrating bird who knows his destination, and I’ve got the wings if only you would believe that I do.

At least in the sci-fi and anime realms, the idea of an “augmented reality” has been around for quite some time.  AR involves animated synthesized 3D objects superimposed over the “real world,” as perceived through a camera.  This is the equivalent of putting on VR goggles, except instead of presenting a completely new world, it presents a modified and annotated world.  A few years back, I knew that technology was being developed to identify and label buildings and landmarks through this sort of point-tracking methodology, but I had not realized that progress has come to the point of being able to essentially add a 3D model to a camcorder clip and have the computer appropriately rotate the model as if it were part of the environment.

What this entails is properly understanding depth and position on the camera’s part, which then forms a usable 3D Cartesian system.  That is, from my best guess, incredibly difficult, and more difficult than then using that coordinate system to properly orient and render a 3D model.  Apparently, this method seems to work better in human-created environments than in natural ones, which involve a lot of self-similar textures.  Human-created environments tend to be rather squared and uniformly colored, and most AR demos were conducted in neat, minimalistic office situations.  Nevertheless, it is highly impressive to watch, with real-time rotating and twisting camera, Darth Vader running around on the tabletop, fighting Ewoks.

Anyway, it’s worth checking out.  For more info, go to the Tsunami Channel website, which has become my chief informant for this kind of technology news (yes, moreso than Slashdot).

I took a typing speed test at “TypingTest.com” (Lissa blogged about it, heheh). I’m never a terribly accurate typer, and on a different trial run, I got only 90% of the words. One thing I have always wondered about is the comparison between my maximum typing speed and the speed at which I can create prose. So, for reference and without further ado, here’s my baseline speed at which I type, if I am in the perfect situation of copying text on-screen.

As you can see, I’m effectively around 90 WPM. I think that’s decent, although that does also mean that I haven’t improved significantly since early high school or so (in middle school, I played this strange typing game involving invading letters/words and also typed long passages of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, to achieve mid-70s range. I’ve never been and probably never will be particularly accurate, because when I am reading very quickly, my fingers do not usually act in order, but act as soon as they are given the cue that they will be needed).

Now, I am going to blog about two different topics: one will be a memory-dictation exercise, in which I will write and reflect about today. Then, I will blog about a philosophical topic, hidden excesses and indirect immorality.

Passage 1

Today, the “cooking group” from last summer reconvened, and it was a heartfelt return to one of the happiest sorts of patterns to have in one’s life. There’s nothing quite like the relaxing feeling of falling back into a ritual – especially when that ritual involves food and games, too! As usual, we caught the Saferide to go to Super 88; per usual, I got motion-sick on the way there; and as usual, we split up to our individual restaurant choices before settling down at a crowded table, under the muted TV, waiting however bitterly long for everyone to bring back their (sic) meal before commencing chow time.

106 words in 2:13, or ~48 WPM.

Passage 2

It’s really easy to say that people should not do wrong things, but how many people really think about their indirect wrongs? Ethicism seems to focus primarily on intent, when in fact most of the absolutist writings – chief amongst those, fantasy books or philosophy volumes – are nearly useless, because they assume that evil stems from evil nature. Temptation, seduction, failure of will. Or perhaps alternate motives – stealing for sustenance, hurting someone to help someone else.

But I would argue that evil doesn’t ordinarily come in those forms. Nearly every person I have ever met, from any walk of life, has been a kind person, a well-mannered person, a reasonable and morally sound person. So why is there evil and suffering in the world? I think that it’s because of the things we let slip between the cracks. There are cracks here and there, and most people do not notice them at all.

Funding and funds are a big part of this. Organizations and campaigns receive well-meaning donations from individuals; fundraisers rake in cash; companies earn significant profits. This money then comes into play in order to carry out necessary functions of the groups. However, at the same time, money begins to seep out in the form of superfluous spending, and efficiency drops significantly.

213 words in 4:34, or 47 WPM.

My point in this second passage, btw, which I didn’t really get to, is that evil is an indirect consequence of decisions. Taking a free sandwich means that someone else will not receive it; spending funding money on a lab party makes lab members happy, but the donors thought they were funding cancer research; buying land to build a new building can displace residents who once lived there. The other day, to catch a cab, I had to stand on the street in the snow. But this actually meant catching the cab before it made it to the hospital. But wasn’t there a line of people waiting for cabs at the hospital? Even though that cab may never have been headed to the hospital, perhaps it was. If I had not thought of this situation, would it have been a less bad action? Probably not. Indirect effects, intended or not, are the source of shortcomings in human behavior and progress, my own included.

Conclusions

1. Synthesis of text is indeed the rate-limiting step, not typing speed. Using original thought cuts down the typing speed by about 50% (half-speed). A 500-word essay would hypothetically take 10 minutes to compose, although high-rate synthesis clearly leads to divergence of text and poor organization.
2. There is not much of a difference between the rate of creation of brand-new ideas and the recollection of memories, put into words. The slowest step is thus probably the visualization step, in which the ideas or memories are formed into movies, whose playback is recorded as words.

Every year, during January term (“IAP”), MIT hosts a puzzle-solving competition called “Mystery Hunt,” a massive undertaking and ritual that has grown around the simple objective of finding a hidden coin.

The puzzles are of a unique sort, rarely seen anywhere else except in particular Flash games on the internet.  Unlike puzzles with set rules or instructions, such as crossword puzzles, Sudoku, or jigsaws, these puzzles require you to figure out what the rule or pattern is, from a minimally-annotated figure or other source material.  It is a testament to the similarity of human thought and logic that people can solve these puzzles at all, which involve great leaps of faith and fishing in the dark (with plenty of red herrings dotting the pool).  And despite the stereotype of the nerd having a knowledge focused on a particular discipline and ignoring pop culture or art or whatnot, the Mystery Hunt is only accessible to teams that collectively have a very well-rounded knowledge – of geography, languages, programming, cryptology, pop music old and new, beer brands, and even sports.

I enjoyed this year’s hunt much more than last year’s, partially due to the fact that there is no better preparation for Mystery Hunt than doing one.  Last year, I was able to help on perhaps 3 puzzles, and I could not claim many innovations as my own — the “freshman” of Mystery Hunt is frequently occupied with the “data collection” task, such as looking up names or lyrics or years.  This year, I think I made inroads on many more than that.

The team this year was also a lot more tight-knit.  After the first day, we had around 7 or 8 people working consistently on the hunt, down from the norm of 20-30 people.  As a result, we weren’t terribly quick, but we were able to consult with each other much more effectively.  We also utilized Google Documents to their full potential – sharing text and spreadsheets between all team members at once.

But the best part is the sheer fun of it all.  The people involved come out with a stronger respect for each others’ intellect and humor, and even in the frustration of staring at something fruitlessly for eight hours, there is still the support of others who simply won’t give up.  Unlike the real world, where the clues do not always lead towards a certain answer, the enclosed world of Mystery Hunt is one in which minds that occupy the loneliness of infinite space can seek solace in the neat organization of clues arranged by a tidier, more comprehensible hand than God’s.

My girlfriend met me at the airport yesterday ~~~~~ and it made me so happy!  Possibly one of the happiest moments in my life.

Hello, everyone.  I have uploaded the main theme from my upcoming violin concerto.  This is just the solo line, and it is one of many themes that appear in the exposition.  There is a tutti theme which is outside of a clear key, then this violin theme in D, then a variant of the tutti theme which is in b minor, and finally the secondary theme which is in A (but is also twelve-tone in construction).

Gradually but surely, over the past few months, I have really been losing my footing.  If life is a mountain, then I think I would describe it as this: I pushed myself on too quickly, only to become exhausted, and the more exhausted I became, the more I fell behind, and the more I fell behind, the less I could stand to look at the people ahead of me, the less I could stand to even look forward, the less I could stand to even be in sight.

Disappointing others hurts my heart, because all my life I have only wanted to please other people, and that in turn was motivated by my desire to never be left all alone.  What I value most is knowing that there is someone there for me, who I have pleased enough so that he or she will have some reason to protect me.

There was a time when I was humble and a good person.  I used to be useful to other people, without feeling that I was competent or strong.  But after a string of triumphs, I let myself become soft and weak, and now I am unable to accomplish or finish anything.

I find myself so despicable that I want to hide in this room and not show my face again, out of shame.  There is no honor in thriving off of other people’s pity and goodwill, but that is what I have been doing these last few months, asking people to make allowances for me or be kind to me or to attend to things I should be doing myself.

I have become so used to neglecting promises that I can hardly recognize who I have become.  The Justin I used to know was a person who genuinely cared, who was genuinely optimistic about other people.  Now I just doubt that people’s efforts are worth their time.  Even though I see inefficiency around me, I can’t set the example to change any of it.  I am the slowest to get things done, and the end product is not any better.

This is the essay I have to write.  I need to face what I am and look forward again.

I will stand right here on this stone that I am clinging to and say it: I have failed at the most important thing to me, which is love.  Love is not something I can expect or request.  Love has to be something I give, warmly and truly.

The feelings of brotherhood and sisterhood have to be a habit, cultivated over time.  Partnerships need to be validated through the effort I give, the time I spend.  I must never forget all the people who enabled me my opportunities, to whom I owe every day of my privileged existence.

In order that I be loved the way I want to be loved, I must first maintain the case for myself, and love as freely and generously as I once did.

The empty nothingness I now dwell in is my own creation, the space left when I became greedy and unforgiving.  It is no surprise that I live with fear, regret, and paranoia, the very things I thought I would never face in my life.  They are not creatures unto themselves, but the dust that nestles itself onto abandoned furniture, unused rooms, and unplayed instruments.

There is no muse that runs away or that refuses to budge.  I like to blame my slow progress on applications and paperwork in general on a lack of the right muse, but there is no such thing as a muse in the first place.  There is only me and my own mind, which is always there, within me.  It is my own negligence that leads to blank spaces or half-hearted writing.

I therefore wish and resolve to end this drought within me and foster the positive interactions that transform hope into opportunity, thought into invention, and love into embrace.

There is a girl I adore more than anything and anyone in this world, and I want to regain her confidence and faith in me and my beliefs.  I want to outdo myself and make people believe in the miracles of human intellect, and lead by example as I used to.  Taking the chance, lending time and hand to building the blueprints in my mind, is taking the next step up the mountain.  The low-grade slopes are easy to scale at a sprint; it takes pain and guts to get past the next stage of life.  Only when I expend myself vertically rather than skirting the horizon horizontally will I find the solution to any of the emotional ailments that have befallen my inferior soul.