I just really bombed a pretty crucial exam in 7.06. But you know what the funny thing is? I don’t feel sad or like crying. I don’t feel numb either, or defeated.
Actually, for the first time in ages, I feel the *spirit* inside of me. It goes beyond happiness or sadness: it’s my will, my very life-force. No success could have awakened it; it is the cat abandoned in the wilderness that pursues prey with vital spirit and cunning, not the housecat who finds food every day.
As I suspected, it is not happiness or success that satisfies my spirit, but the journey and toil towards those unattainable ideals that brings me to life. I guess, in a way, I am thankful. I’ve been talking with God a lot lately, and yesterday, she assured me that she was still watching over me. And I think today, she followed through on that :).
Now, to make good on my end of the deal ^_^.
The Fish says:
Sigh… At least the equilibrium is still there… =)
October 31, 2006, 8:40 pm